Confounded By Quilting

Fever-Induced Home Renovation

Mike Neir may have come home tonight to a bathroom that is a slightly different color than when he last saw it.

So, y’know how when you have a fever, you’re supposed to stay in bed, rest and generally not try to do anything?

Yeah. There’s a reason for that.

Last night, while I slept, the viruses which had previously established a beachhead mostly in my sinuses and joints staged a coup and took over my whole body. After some truly bizarre, somewhat horrific dreams last night, I woke up with my fever bumped up a degree to 101. I called in sick for the second day in a row with a silent wish for helpdesk to be kind to BenC. Rolling over, I slept at first fitfully and then resoundingly until nearly 11am – something I haven’t done in months and months.

A fresh dose of flu meds and a cup of tea later, I felt curiously good. Like, I am unstoppable good. I considered going into work, but realized my friends and co-workers would probably appreciate my not infecting our workspace with whatever this crud is.

Yesterday, I decided I wanted to paint my bathroom dark, dark brown, use pure white accents and candles to turn it into a true sanctuary… at least as much as a room that small can be such a thing. I’ve got a pretty clear vision in my head of what it should look like upon completion. The feeble, pastel blue and pink with a floral border isn’t offensive, per se, it’s just Not Me and it was beginning to grate.

Today, I spent nearly all of my weekly paycheck on making that vision a reality. A trip to Home Depot for paint and whatot, a trip to Bed, Bath & Beyond for what started out as a tub stopper and ended up being Everything Else They Had and dude, I was well on my way. Note to Home Depot and BB&B : Please start drug testing your patrons before selling them All Your Stuff. Thanks.

A lot of this is a blur. I remember wandering up and down the aisles at BB&B, I remember finding The Perfect Shower Curtain. The rest is somewhat fuzzy. Thank goodness I didn’t come home with a new countertop sous vide machine, because I really, really want one of those, too. Perhaps they didn’t have them yet.

At any rate, I bought a metric honkload of stuff. Here it is, oozing with potential:

I remember having to stop and take breaks what seemed like every 15 minutes because I was getting tired ridiculously easily. Undeterred, if in fits and starts, I carried onward.

Here are a few “before” photos, in all their cluttered, messy glory:

I’m glad I had the presence of mind to photograph the process.  The wallpaper border came off far easier than I anticipated, and the enzyme CHOMP stuff took care of the backing. For some reason, I was compelled to photograph myself using the Paper Tiger. I look like I have Man Hands.

Also, I scored it all without even trying to peel off the paper itself. That was a little silly, because it came right off in big, long, satisfying strips.

The border’s backing came off pretty darned easily with the enzyme stuff, but left a huge mess behind. Ok, perhaps it was me who made/left the mess, but I’m going to blame it on the backing – we’re cool with that, right?

Looking at the above photo there, I realized, “holy shit, I bought a bath pillow?” Bought it, and apparently felt the need to install it before all the crazed peeling and painting action. One can’t go into these adventures unprepared.

I remember bashing the slightly missing tip of my thumb a couple of times, mostly when taking down the large mirror from its weirdo holders.

I learned some fun things about this bathroom – like the wall behind the mirror is made entirely of cardboard. I painted over it, anyhow.

When under the influence of what I can only assume is a pretty awesome combination of methamphetamine and heroin, one forgets minor details – like needing to spackle holes over after taking off fixtures. And buying putty knives or spackle, for instance.

At first, I just dipped the foam corner painter thing into the paint on the lid – just to make sure I liked it. I spread it on one wall, figured I’d better try it on a few walls before really Diving In to the full painting process.

You really can’t tell the difference in color unless you look really, really closely:

It may be easier to spot here:

At some point, I poured paint into the tray and just went at it like a crazed banshee. I must have decided getting the rollers involved was too much work, because I just painted everything with the wheeled edger.

And then I ran out of steam, the drugs wore off, Mike Neir came home and I realized “oh my god, what am I doing.”  I will probably be heading to bed immediately after hitting Publish.

Here’s the state of things now:

It’s only about 75% completed on the first coat, with no edges done (that little edger thingie was a bastard and I don’t trust it anymore.) Lots of work ahead.

But here’s the thing:

I love it.

I adore it. It’s dreamy.

Well, it will be dreamy when all is said and done. While I’d envisioned nothing but browns and whites, I seem to have picked out a largely dusty, darkish, aqua-shaded shower curtain and towels, but I think they’ll look really good. A different theme than strictly whites, and I think I’ll like it even better.

The larger, decor-oriented items I bought today have vanished. More correctly, I have put them Someplace Out of the Way, someplace clever, where I won’t forget them. That tin artwork thingie is like three feet tall, and I can’t find it. I’m giving up looking until tomorrow.

Tonight, my antibodies are going to rally and get this thing retreating. I can feel it.

Right then, bed now.

Posts Like This One, In One Way or Another:

• Done by Sunday Night
• Mm, Sweet Molasses
• Self-Sabotage!
• The Beforeness
• Escaping the Tyranny